After a short baby-induced hiatus, we're back with the Sexual Orientation Edition -- Part II!!!
We left off at the end of Part I with a clip where our hero appears to be very interested in men. While that clip seemed pretty conclusive, it wasn't. Yes, our hero seemed extremely comfortable in that role. But that can be easily explained by one of the fundamental principles of VDIF--that Jean-Claude Van Damme is one of the finest actors of all time, and certainly has no fear of taking on "stretch" roles.
Perhaps these images will clue us in?
Not really. These, and the many other images available, only tend to show:
a) Our hero has big muscles that he likes to show to people; b) Our hero attracts gay fan boys; and c) Our hero, at times, exhibits questionable taste in fashion.
Ultimately, what we need is to capture a moment in time, unscripted and unacted, that is probative of our hero's sexual orientation. But how do we do that? Well, we go where everyone goes to find such unscripted and spontaneous interactions: Pointless European variety show dance numbers.
So what does this video tell us?
Really, it only establishes one thing--that our hero is sexually attracted to women. It has no bearing on his attraction toward men.
Conclusions:
When taken in light of his numerous marriages to women, our hero Jean-Claude Van Damme is either:
a) A straight heterosexual male; or b) A closeted bisexual male.
Either way, Jean-Claude, we here at VDIF support you and love you as you are.
If anyone out there has any further evidence that would help us advance our inquiry, please email the vdifmaster at vandammeitsfriday@gmail.com.
Have a great Friday, because it's: VDIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This morning I, like many other Van Fannes, heard about the righteous decision of the Iowa Supreme Court. This got me to thinking -- what a perfect subject for today's VDIF! The question of our hero's sexuality has been discussed at length in today's media. Another blog might just point to the fact that our hero has been married five times to four different women, and conclude that the answer is obvious. You should all know better than to expect such superficial treatment here at VDIF. Perhaps the fact that no woman can seem to stay married to him for too long is a sign of something else?
I hypothesized that maybe his movies would provide some insight. I was absolutely right, as explained in detail in Julio Jeha's seminal work, Male Identity and Homosexual Invisibility in Van Damme's Movies (a very interesting read). Mr. Jeha's piece argues that our hero's movies are representative of the action genre, in which heros betray latently homosexual remarks and attitudes in a manner socially accepted (and hence invisible) to the same homophobic men toward which they are targeted. An interesting thesis, to say the least, but not really the subject of our less academic inquiry. Nevertheless, Mr. Jeha raises some specific instances of our hero's behavior that may be instructive.
"In his early movies, Van Damme appears in a series of nude scenes that would make his the most famous buttocks outside porn movies. In Bloodsport (1987), for instance, without any plausible reason, he coyly drops his underpants so that the woman lying with him--and the audience--can see his cheeks."
(The best image from the scene I could find.)
I'd argue this is inconclusive. On the one hand, the scene is with a woman, but on the other, he is baring his rear quarters to his largely male audience.
"In AWOL (AKA...Lionheart)...same sex desire gets vocal as the bullying black sailor tells Van Damme: 'Get your ass below,' and 'I want you down stocking my boilers, boy."
(Our hero working in the boilers.)
Again, inconclusive. While he does take off his shirt and get sweaty, our hero is working in a boiler, where it is very hot, and one gets very sweaty. Also, the comment would seem to say more about the "bullying black sailor's" sexual orientation than our hero's.
In Death Warrant, "a variety of sweaty sadistic prison guards pursues him, strips him naked, and beats him up. As expected in a prison, inmates want sexual favors from the 'fish,' the newly arrived prisoner."
For the third time, inconclusive. It appears that all the other men are sexually interested in our hero, but there is no evidence of reciprocation. We will have to delve deeper.
Street Fighter, "a fun movie that that was based on a video game...incorporates so many gay references that you wonder how it got its [PG-13] rating. Homosexual references appear as soon as the action begins. A woman journalist asks about Van Damme: 'He just doesn't like women, does he?'"
First, enlightened VDIFers such as myself would hasten to note our objection to the insinuation that somehow homosexual references would necessitate changing a movie from PG-13 to R. If you want to object to sex in general, that application to the rating system should apply regardless of what kind of sex you're talking about.
With that out of the way, I'd say this leans very slightly against heterosexuality. If a female reporter feels that our hero was dismissive of her, it may be a sign of something else.
Mr. Jeha continues his analysis with a discussion of our hero's later years. We will address that next week, but what Mr. Jeha's analysis fails to reference is our hero's first speaking role on film, which seems to be pretty conclusive:
(Thanks to loyal VDIF reader, Erin S. in Chicago for the link!)
Next week we analyze the second part of our hero's career, and try to reach a definitive answer in VDIF: The Sexual Orientation Edition -- Part II!
